The First Holiday

The parenting plan. Probably the *funnest* part of divorce.

Fortunately, D and I agree on most everything. It doesn't make it suck any less. There are going to be times that he has the kids and times that I have the kids. We both love our kids very much and we both deserve to spend as much time with them as possible.

Thanksgiving was the first holiday where we began our "rotation". J and B got to go with their dad to spend the day with his family in Gainesville. I spent the entire day trying not to be sick over it.

There are not a lot of kids in D's family. In fact, J and B are 2 out of only 3 grand kids on his side. Compare that to the 30+ grand kids on my side. My family is use to kids. D's family is not. So not only was Thanksgiving the first holiday that I was not with my babies, but it was the first time that they spent an extended period of time in a non-kid-proof environment where I couldn't protect them. It was a hard pill to swallow to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing I can do about the times when the kids aren't with me. I didn't have a lot of choice in the matter, but it still took a lot of trust for me to be able to allow them to go.

It's taken a while to get use to being alone on the nights that D had the kids. It's not something that I enjoy or look forward to, but I handle it a lot better now that I did at first. But it's a completely different thing to be without them on a holiday. I'm not sure if I'll ever get use to that.

I missed them - terribly. Fortunately, I'll get to be with the for Christmas.

Next year, we'll swap.

fun. fun.

I must say, however, that they had a great time. I don't know the details but I saw a few pictures. And no matter what they did or who they were with, at least I know that their dad loves them more than anything. They were safe and they came home happy. I am blessed in that.

As for my day, I am so loved! I have amazing friends here in Florida who have taken such good care of me while I'm so far away from my extended family. I wish I could have had Thanksgiving dinner with all the people I was invited to join! But I would still be eating, I think.

I was able to enjoy two Thanksgivings that day. It made it easier to be able to focus on my blessings when I was busy enjoying the company I was with.

Life is not what I wanted it to be. But it is still beautiful. Because of the unconventional circumstances of my family, I will not always be with my children for special celebrations. I'm just so glad that I'm at a place in my journey where I was strong enough to still enjoy myself and look forward to the times when I will be able to be with the two loves of my life.

It was hard. I'm not going to lie. But it was much better than it could have been.

I have a lot to be thankful for.