Blessings, blessings, homeschooling, and more blessings

I was so afraid to run today. I'm finally back to where I was when I first hurt my knee which has  me running for 3 mins straight. When running is not your thing, 3 minutes is hard! And I'm pretty sure I psyched myself out by being so afraid of it. I was literally praying during the whole run. Please help my muscles keep my knee in place. Please keep my lungs from exploding. Please don't let me give up on my goal because it's difficult...

More than any other time in my life, my testimony of the power of prayer has be strengthened by the constant blessings and answers that I've received. The fact that I survived today's run and feel excited about moving forward is just one of the many obvious examples where the heavens opened and the blessings where hurled in my direction. It may seem like such a simple thing, but I'm pretty sure Heavenly Father knows how important this is to me.

Something else that is important to me, homeschooling.

Today's post is one of those subjects that sparks a lot of debate and controversy, but I'm only here to chronicle my thoughts and feelings on the subject. The idea of homeschooling was, at one time, a no brainer. NO WAY! I don't have the patience or the knowledge. I had all the common misconceived views that you hear about children who are home taught. I was so against it at one point that I'm positive it was only Divine Inspiration that got me considering it in the first place. I have no clue when my thought process began to allow me to consider the idea, but I'm so glad that I did.

I want to do what's best for my kids. I've done lots of research and have reached out to many groups and individuals in my area for information and support. Home schooling is not just a passing fancy to me. And through study and prayer, I came to realize that it's what my children need, at least for now.

One of the first things that people would comment on to me after learning about my impending divorce is concerning what they felt was my inability to homeschool now that I'm going to be a single mom. Comments like that were obviously made with the best of intentions. Home schooling takes a lot of time and effort and resources even in the best of circumstances! How in the world would I make it work when my available time and financial means were greatly decreased? The only answer I have to that question is *faith*.

I feel very strongly that, at least for right now, homeschooling is the best thing for my children. D is not 100% on board but I am so grateful that he trusts me enough not to fight me on it at this time. I'm willing to sacrifice a lot in order to give J and B the opportunity to learn in the environment that will best benefit their learning styles.

Some days are hard. Other days are amazing. One such day was yesterday. Jonah and I spent about an hour doing 2 pages of his reading lesson. This is the result.

It was such a sweet experience to listen as he read the words and told his own stories and drew pictures based on what he was reading. There is no way that he would have been able to be that creative in any other setting. I loved seeing him express his creativity in this way. It was a super special experience.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with public schools. I just know that, for a lot of reasons, it's not where my children need to be right now at this stage in their life. They are thriving and learning so much just from being allowed to explore their world. 

Today, we joined out homeschooling group on a field trip for a Nature Hike in the Enchanted Forest Sanctuary. When we got there, J pointed to the visitor center and asked, "is that my school"? I loved being able to tell him, yes! It is his school. Everywhere we go he has the opportunity to learn and observe and discover and explore. I can't describe how grateful I am that despite everything, I can still make it work for him to experience the joy of homeschool.

I could not make this work without the favor and blessings of my Heavenly Father. 

As my thoughts have been focused on blessings these last few days, I think I would like to do a little blessing count. Here are just a few of the things that I have been incredibly blessed with since the separation of my family began that have allowed me to continue to be the mom I want to be:

The support of my family - which has never faltered

The love of friends - who have practically taken care of me like my family

Specific people who opened their homes during my transition from my family's home to my current one

My amazing friend who watches the kids when I need to work so that I can have the flexibility to do massages on demand and still keep the kids home with me

My job -- so many things about my chosen field of massage therapy has made my new life easier

My house which was purchased by my brother for me in order to make life affordable

My brother who bought my house and will probably never realize how much he has blessed me

I could actually list specific things about each of my brothers and sisters that have blessed me, but I'll never finish this blog post

My ward family who have stepped up to the plate to help me with whatever I need

The YMCA -- I'm pretty sure the only thing that has kept me physically able to move during the darkest days has been exercise 

The scholarship the YMCA granted me so that I could keep going there

The special friend who brought us a Christmas tree

Our homeschooling group who give my children so many opportunities to learn and socialize

The friends I have made these last few months who have been my biggest cheerleaders and encouragers

My renewed love of the gosple

These are just a few of the more obvious blessings. I love seeing how so many of my blessings come in the form of people who have been put in my life in order for me to receive these blessings. I feel like every day I notice sweet little things that my Heavenly Father gives me or shows me that reminds me of how much He loves me and how He's not going to allow me to be left alone or fail at the things that I find most important.

I'm just feeling so grateful today. For my children. For my family and friends. For the ability to stay as positive as possible despite the difficult circumstances and lack of control I have over them. 

A friend of mine told me recently that she felt inspired to tell me to be ready, because I'm going to soar! I have no clue what that means, but it resonated with me. I feel so love and supported by so many.  I have been so blessed. How could I not come out of this whole thing strengthened? 

I think the greatest blessing I have received out of all of this is that I was not allowed to give in. I could have let this whole situation break me. I could have given up on my desire to homeschool and be home with my kids. I could have locked myself away from friends and wallow in the sorrow that accompanies destroyed dreams. I could have been crushed by all of this. But I was, and still am, determined not to be. That kind of motivation could have only been given to me by Heavenly Father; no doubt. He has never given up on me. He's going to get me through these challenges whether its the huge one like a life changing divorce or a smaller one like running a 5k. 

For all of you that still check out this blog and have been following me in this journey and cheering me on, thank you for being one of my blessings <3

Back on track...kind of

They say that bad things happen in threes - so I think I'm covered.

Injured knee - check
Fall down the stairs - check
Super nasty weekend cold - check

SOO I am done with this round of set-backs from my running schedule and ready to get moving again.

Back up the bridge I go!

And, unfortunately, back to the beginning I go. Well, not the very beginning, just back to week #2. But, I still have time. The 5k I want to run isn't until the end of January.

I wish I could say that it was easy to get back into it, but it's not. The important thing,however, is that I'm not giving up.

And another important thing is that my focus hasn't changed. Putting the effort and the thought into the goal of finishing my couch to 5k program is constantly reminding me that I'm working on personal growth in all areas of my life.

Everything is going great. Some days I hit little snags, like the day that D brought over the parenting plan paperwork that we need to agree on and turn into the lawyer in order to get our divorce paperwork written up. Little things like that remind me of how difficult the rejection part of this whole thing is to deal with. It's also little things like that that remind me of how far I've come, how strong I am and how much more positively I am able to view myself.

Getting back into the running program is hard. Running is hard. Falling down the stairs (literally and figuratively) is hard. But I am not giving up! I ran the bridge two days ago so today I'll be getting on the treadmill today. And I'm not going to stop until I reach that goal!

And I'm thinking it might be kind of cool if I keep running after this race is over...literally and figuratively :-) 

The First Holiday

The parenting plan. Probably the *funnest* part of divorce.

Fortunately, D and I agree on most everything. It doesn't make it suck any less. There are going to be times that he has the kids and times that I have the kids. We both love our kids very much and we both deserve to spend as much time with them as possible.

Thanksgiving was the first holiday where we began our "rotation". J and B got to go with their dad to spend the day with his family in Gainesville. I spent the entire day trying not to be sick over it.

There are not a lot of kids in D's family. In fact, J and B are 2 out of only 3 grand kids on his side. Compare that to the 30+ grand kids on my side. My family is use to kids. D's family is not. So not only was Thanksgiving the first holiday that I was not with my babies, but it was the first time that they spent an extended period of time in a non-kid-proof environment where I couldn't protect them. It was a hard pill to swallow to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing I can do about the times when the kids aren't with me. I didn't have a lot of choice in the matter, but it still took a lot of trust for me to be able to allow them to go.

It's taken a while to get use to being alone on the nights that D had the kids. It's not something that I enjoy or look forward to, but I handle it a lot better now that I did at first. But it's a completely different thing to be without them on a holiday. I'm not sure if I'll ever get use to that.

I missed them - terribly. Fortunately, I'll get to be with the for Christmas.

Next year, we'll swap.

fun. fun.

I must say, however, that they had a great time. I don't know the details but I saw a few pictures. And no matter what they did or who they were with, at least I know that their dad loves them more than anything. They were safe and they came home happy. I am blessed in that.

As for my day, I am so loved! I have amazing friends here in Florida who have taken such good care of me while I'm so far away from my extended family. I wish I could have had Thanksgiving dinner with all the people I was invited to join! But I would still be eating, I think.

I was able to enjoy two Thanksgivings that day. It made it easier to be able to focus on my blessings when I was busy enjoying the company I was with.

Life is not what I wanted it to be. But it is still beautiful. Because of the unconventional circumstances of my family, I will not always be with my children for special celebrations. I'm just so glad that I'm at a place in my journey where I was strong enough to still enjoy myself and look forward to the times when I will be able to be with the two loves of my life.

It was hard. I'm not going to lie. But it was much better than it could have been.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

The First Set-Back

I realize that I am behind and have been thinking all week of the many things I want to blog about...but it's been difficult because of different things that have happened. Plus, it's pretty time consuming. Still, it's been so worth the effort.

 My mom is actually the one who reminded me that I was behind on my blog. I appreciate the accountability check-ins. Feel free to keep me on my toes.

I actually did blog early last week, but I took it down. Remember when I mentioned, probably 10 different times, that this is blog is mainly for me? Well, that is still true. But I still am trying really hard to not put anything out into the world that can be viewed in a negative light. It is not my intention to offend. A story that I told was misinterpreted and  I realized that perhaps not all of my posts need to be published. Some things are just better kept to yourself. There may be a time when I'm ready to sharpen up the story and re-publish it again. But in the meantime, I am grateful for the opportunity to write out my thoughts and feelings in some form or other. You can't even know how therapeutic this blog has been for me.

So...last week was an interesting week. I ran into my set-back in my couch to 5k program. I got an injury.

The week started off great! I was able to run for several 3 minute intervals on the treadmill and felt myself getting stronger. Afterwards, however, I could tell that my right knee was not happy. I've always had some problems with my knees; nothing major - I've just dealt with some dislocations in the past and they like to pop as I walk down stairs. So I decided to get a knee brace for stability. Unfortunatly, it didn't help. Two days later on the next run, I could barely limp up the bridge.

I realized I needed a break. It was such a bummer because it was all going so well and I was feeling so great! I have been super careful. I took one to two day breaks between runs. I was eating well and stretching....I think it was my shoes.

So that's what I'm doing; taking a break. Just this week - I'll be back on the program next Monday. I suppose it only set me back a little bit, but it was still a hurdle I didn't expect. A little bit discouraging, I might add. I couldn't help but worry if I'm really up to the challenge...

I find it so amazing, sometimes, how God gives inspiration in the most unexpected places, and how other people's experiences and wisdom can make such a difference in your life, even when that person didn't intend to inspire.

I have a friend with whom I've been blessed to be a part of her physical healing process. Once or twice a week I give her a massage. It's been so amazing to watch her get stronger and have to endure less and less daily pain. She often tells me how grateful she is that I am able to help her, but sometimes I think she's really helping me. She is one of the more inspiring people I've ever met.

This last week she said something to me that has changed my view on life. She didn't say it "for" me, but rather as part of something she was going through herself.

"You need to fall in love with the goal, not the process".

I love the idea of finding joy in the journey. It's something I've always tried to focus on. And what this friend of mine taught me does not take away from being able to find joy wherever life might lead you. What my friend reminded me was that plans never go the way you want them to. If you become inflexible in the "how" part of the goal process, then it's too easy to become discouraged when the hiccups come along and you have to change your course.

The goal is the focus! Fall in love with the goal and only look at the process as a means of reaching it - a process that can be flexible and adjusted as needed.

Ok - so I know that this is a no-brainer idea. Everyone knows that things rarely ever go as planned. You need to be willing to adjust and reevaluate. But there is something different about the idea of falling in love with your goal. It gives it such a positive spin! The goal then becomes worth the challenge. It gives perspective and excitement to the end process even when the plan of how to reach that goal falls apart.

My process seemed so easy. Follow the program. It was going to be so fun and fulfilling. I fell in love with the plan. When I ran head-first into this setback, I became discouraged and frustrated and felt that my 5K goal was destroyed.

But really, what is the bottom line? What is it that I want to fall in love with? I want to fall in love with what running this race is going to do for me. The goal is what is important. I had a set-back, so what! Maybe I wont be ready for a run in January (though I think I can still make it at this point). I'm not going to let the hiccups deter me. The specific steps in the process is not what is important. What's important is that I can make changes where I need to in order to move forward toward what it is that I really want.

The real-life application for this is a simple one. When you fall, get back up.

But at this point in my healing process, I have found myself applying this to the goal of where I want to be at the end of this life.

Wouldn't it be great if we could soar through this life unscathed? If we never made a mistake or veered off the path that was laid out for us? If we never experienced obstacles in our path? If we never had to struggle through any set-backs or hiccups whether of our own making or not? Wouldn't that be so much easier!?

Well, as we know, we need to experience the "bad" so that we can appreciate the "good", so obviously that isn't going to happen.

But it is so easy to become discouraged when things don't go as planned. Thinking about my own circumstance, divorce was never part of my plan! I was so in love with the idea of a picture perfect family. I had a husband and children and a home and a plan. I loved this plan!

Divorce is kind of a big set-back. It changed everything I had ever wanted and worked for and I had no control over it.

So what am I doing now? I'm creating another plan. I'm setting in motion another way of reaching my goal of living a good life, however that life might look, and returning to my Heavenly Father. THAT is the goal I need to fall in love with. I need to be so excited and determined to receive all the blessings that I've been promised when this mortal life is over that  no matter what plans fall apart, I can keep going.

I keep focusing on what it is I wanted for my life and how I can't have it anymore. But I'm beginning to see how it's ok that things are different from what I planned. I have a different reality from what I had hoped for, but it's not going to make the end process any different as long as I don't lose sight of what's important.

My goal is to be able to hear my Father say, "well done, thou good and faithful servant". (Matthew 25:21)

And I want to bring my children along for the ride.

I love that goal. It's a worthy goal and will be worth whatever hiccups and set-backs and adjustments I have to make to reach it.

That one time - when I was ugly...

Couch to 5K is still going strong! Except that I think I finally hit my first wall.

Up until yesterday, my morning runs have been awesome! I would almost wish they were longer and I was super excited that they were relatively easy - at least easier than expected. It's kind of nice to discover that you're in better shape than you had realized.

For some reason, however, yesterday's run was rough. It's not that it was hard, I just didn't want to do it! The plan was to go to yoga and get on the treadmill afterwards. I had to force myself to wake up for yoga and then spent the whole hour in an internal struggle deciding whether or not I could get by  skipping the run for the day.

Fortunately I had a goal and was determined to not get behind. Yay for holding yourself accountable!

But I didn't enjoy yesterday's run. It's ok though. I'm really thinking that it's not a normal thing and wont effect me moving forward. I'm already looking forward to when I can run again. I think it was just that morning. I hadn't eaten well the night before and had been staying up very late for a couple of nights beforehand. I guess there is something to that whole eating well and getting plenty of rest thing, huh?

I made it through the run despite being tempted to just go half way. I ran a lot less distance than the last time I was on the treadmill. But you know what? I finished it -- even when I didn't want to. Even when it was hard. I'm choosing to look at this as progress.

So, on to today's subject. While I was running, I was thinking about self-image.

I'm a girl, obviously. I am also a normal girl. I go through cycles and periods of time when I hate how I look or I'm uber-critical of myself. And being who I am, comments about how I look or how I come across in public - or lack of comments -  REALLY effect me. It's silly, I know. But it's how I am.

The most prominent, and most recent, example of this is how I viewed myself after D began the process of ending our marriage. I had never felt so unlovely - so physically ugly. I mean, if I were attractive, why would he give up on my so easily? I know - that's not a realistic thought process. But it's how it made me feel.

I imagine that the years leading up this point didn't help me with my self-image. Becoming a mom changed how much time I spent in front of a mirror. The only times I really put any effort into how I looked was for church, when I went out on a date with D, or when I had some sort of performance to attend. Probably the best compliment I would get during this period in my life is that I "clean up well". I truly began to believe that I was not an attractive person. But it wasn't that important to me. I mean come on! I had someone in my life that loved me no matter what! Right? :-/

I never did see myself as "ugly", though...not until my roadtrip to Arizona. This epic trip, which I promise I will eventually chronicle on here, was right after Dwight began to lay out his plans for our separation. I still have a hard time looking at pictures of that time because I hate every one of them. I felt ugly. I believed myself to be ugly. Maybe I wasn't...but I saw myself that way.

At some point in my journey, when I'm ready, I'm going to finally post some of those pictures for my family to be able to see. I'm just not quite ready to face that dark period...

It was an interesting time. Obviously I was going through a lot of emotions at the time, and focusing on the fact that I was looking and feeling especially frumpy was probably one of the lesser of the difficult things to deal with. I'm honestly not really sure how I pulled out of it since it was not a priority. My real focus was dealing with the emotional aspects of the breakup and making the tough decisions that came as a consequence of the changes beyond my control. No time to worry about whether or not I hated looking in the mirror or seeing a picture of myself.

It wasn't until my run yesterday that I began to think of the contrast between how I viewed myself back in June and how I view myself today.

Fortunately, I've come to have a much more positive self-image these days. When people compliment me, I'm beginning to actually believe them. I've found myself appreciating some of my physical aspects rather than shying away from even noticing them. I almost hesitate to write any of this, but I have to remind myself that I'm doing this blog thing for me. I'm not going to allow myself to worry about coming across as vain or self-absorbed because it's important for me to be honest with myself about these things. Today I can look at the mirror and see someone beautiful. I'm really grateful for that. No apologies.

Why do I feel differently about the girl I see in the mirror now vs 6 months ago? I still worked out and focused on being healthy back then. I still smiled. I had all the same clothes. These days I probably have even less time to primp then I even had back then. So - what's the difference?

Maybe it's inside of me. Maybe since I don't have the luxury of being with someone who I thought would love me despite my imperfections, I've automatically begun to change into someone who could love themselves despite the imperfections. Maybe... Hopefully.

 That's what I'm working toward, right? Self-love and acceptance. I would love to be able to see myself in a beautiful, positive light physically as well as love the person I am on the inside.

Or perhaps the difference is that I went from not spending much time caring or thinking about myself to having to consciously think and care about myself in order to survive. Otherwise I would have ended up in a dark corner somewhere. Maybe there is something important about spending a little bit of extra time of "you".


In writing all of this, I automatically worry about how I come across. We live in such a judgmental world. When someone says "I'm ugly", you might get people who tell you to "stop saying that" - "don't think that" - "you're just fishing for compliment". And when someone says "I'm beautiful", you get those who will say "you're so full of yourself" - "you think you're so much better that other people" - "stop being so vain".

Well guess what world? Feelings are real. How we view ourselves is a real thing. And it's ok to be real. I'm not writing any of this as a way of fishing for compliments (although, I must say that my love language just so happens to be "words of affirmation") or as a way of pointing out how beautiful my eyes are so that people will notice.

I just want to appreciate how far I've come. It's kind of a nice thing to like what you see in the mirror. It's exciting to think that I can like what I look like even when I don't have someone who I'm hoping will notice.

You're still going to see me running errands in the stinky yoga pants and bedhead that I just worked out in -- I'm too low maintenance to keep up with my hair and makeup every day. But I'm not going to drag myself down about it anymore. I'm a beautiful person -- inside and out. That's so weird to say out loud! But I kind of like it.

I just thought of a post for another day -- Wouldn't it be so great if we could all speak our own love language...to ourselves!

Something to think about :-)

Who am I doing it for?

Today's blog post is another pretty personal one, but one I need to write. It's a part of my journey that is going to make all the difference as I progress forward. It might not make a lot of sense and I'm trying to keep specifics vague when it involves other people. But it makes sense to me...and perhaps it will make sense to someone else who is traveling on their own path towards living fully.

There is something that I hope to make very clear as I'm writing out my story and trying to make sense of what happened in my past and where it is I'm heading. I want to make sure that anyone reading this knows that "D", the man I had spent a good portion of my life with, is an extremely good person. He hurt me more than I think anyone ever could, but he is still one of the most caring human beings I've ever known and more importantly, an amazing father.

I do not intend to disrespect him in anyway as I go through this process.  He made mistakes. I made mistakes. We all make mistakes. But it does not make us bad people. And it especially does not make us irredeemable.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way...more therapeutic writing time.

During our years of marriage, I found myself adopting a lot of D's habits and opinions about things. Many of these habits and opinions pertained to what he believed in a spiritual sense. I think a lot of my reasoning behind it was that I wanted to bridge some of the gaps between our beliefs so that we weren't so incredibly different. In the end, it didn't matter that I allowed myself to follow the path that he was choosing for himself in order for us to have more harmony in our marriage. None of it helped and we ended up growing apart anyway.

There is an analogy I learned a long time ago that has stuck with me. You can look at temptation like a dimmer switch. The light is dimmed just enough until you realize that it's gotten a little darker and the light stays where it is for a while. Once your eyes adjust to the new lighting, it begins to be turned down a little bit more until you recognize what is happening again. And then, again your eyes adjust. And then the process repeats itself until all of a sudden, you're in total darkness.

I feel like that is what happened overtime during the last few years of my marriage with my own spiritual self.

Again, D is not an evil or wicked person. He is an exceptional person. It's just that he was not living the life that I had always wanted to live and was not making the choices that as a young girl I had always dreamed of my eternal companion making.

But I loved D. I still love D. And at the time I wanted to make things work. So I began to accept the life he wanted to live. And eventually, once I adjusted to the life, the dimmer switch began to be turned down a little at a time. My values and beliefs became less important. Church attendance and high standards began to suffer. Eventually I embraced some of the choices that he had made for himself and found justifications along the way.

I don't blame D for my choices. The way he has chosen to live his life is not bad or wrong for him or for anyone else who makes the same choices. It's just that at one time I had wanted my life to be different than what it had turned out to be, but I lost sight of that and became comfortable and content. No one is to blame but me.

When D told me for the last time that he had no intention of trying to fix our broken marriage, I decided to get myself back on the track I knew I should be on. It was hard, and slow going. I began to wonder what it was I really wanted. Maybe I did want to continue living the life that I had become accustomed to. It would be easier.

But then I made a friend.

This friend was the encouragement I needed. He helped me see the life I could have if I was to keep my choices in line with the gospel. He helped me realize that I had another chance to have the priesthood in my home and take part in church service. The choice to get myself back on the path that I knew I wanted to be on had begun to become easier for me. It was an exciting time full of hope and growth and blessings.

But who was I doing it for? Why was I making the choice to change when it would have been so much easier to continue the life I had been living for so long? I told myself that I was doing it for me, but in the back of my mind I wondered. I had allowed myself to change for D in order to even out our playing field. Was I doing the same thing for this friend?

I now know the answer to that question.

This friendship was, unfortunately, short lived, but it impacted me in a huge way. That life that I saw for myself, the life I grew up hoping to have, really is the life that I want to live.

So, in some ways, it's a good thing that my whirlwind adventure with this friend ended. I know now for sure who I'm making these changes for.
I'm doing it for me.
I'm doing it so that my home can have the Spirit dwelling there; so that my children will be able to grow up with knowledge of the Gospel and build a relationship with their Savior. And because I've made the changes that bring me closer to the Spirit, I've been blessed with the ability to take the steps I've needed to continue on this journey of self-love and acceptance that I'm currently on.

Along with this new-found strength that my friend has helped me discover, the experience gave me another amazing blessing: the ability to forgive.

I am still coming to terms with the end of my marriage. I may never fully understand the reasons why D made the decisions he made. But if he hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to find myself again. I see much more clearly that my relationship with D was probably not the best thing for either of us. We both find happiness in different places. I didn't realize that before now. I have a long road to full recovery, but I'm headed in the right direction.

So, who am I doing this for? Why am I writing all of this here and now. Maybe I'm writing it to D as a way to say that I understand; that it's ok and I forgive him. Maybe its a message to my friend to say thank you for the time I was given and all it's taught me.

Mainly though, it's for me. I want to remember with clarity each step in this process. And I want to be able to be honest with myself as to where I've come from and where I want to go.

For the first time in a long time, I look forward to attending church on Sunday. I look forward to serving in my ward and taking part in ordinances that I had lost touch with.

I think that perhaps I will be even better off than before. It's a nice thought....I have a lot to look forward to.

A cute thought for the day

I saw this little comic today and it made me smile. It's pretty self explanatory and can probably apply to so many different people and so many different situations.

Thank you zenpencils.com for this hopeful little story

"To love at all is to be vulnerable"

The idea of putting myself out there to be hurt again is so scary. But I've been blessed with hearing some stories lately of broken hearts being mended by someone who was so much better for that person than what they had before. 

I love little things like that that bring peace and comfort. One day, I'll be able to look back and be so happy that things turned out the way they did. It's just another adventure.